The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay men wish to discover from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out pop over to this web-site that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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